Doctors Worried As Swimming In Potholes Trend Sweeps Geriatrics

JOHANNESBURG – The National Association of South African Medical Doctors (NASAMD) has issued a warning against the increasing practice of swimming in potholes around Gauteng. In a press conference in Johannesburg this morning, Head of Research Dr Itumeleng Boroko cited the risks of infections, illness and general cringiness that come with diving into these failing parts of infrastructure.

“We have noticed that some people are using water-filled potholes to campaign for elections, aiming to start a trend of sorts,” Boroko said. “Not only is this very dangerous to individual and public health, it also kinda shows you got no motion, because why would you do that?”

A real doctor

The Democratic Alliance Joburg mayoral candidate fired back immediately, accusing the organisation of election interference and meddling. In a call with The Grapevine News (which, quite frankly, took way too long), Helen Zille called the organisation “skelms”, “Marxists” and “woke health experts”.

“I do not want to live in a Joburg where we are not free to swim in potholes. Swimming in potholes is a basic human right, and we intend on taking this report to the highest court in the land.”

Zille hung up the phone when we retorted that she technically lives in Cape Town.

Helen Zille, Herman Mashaba and Kenny Kunene are just a few of the candidates vying to become mayor of the richest city in Africa and the only people who stretch the phrase “better the devil you know”. Unfortunately, Joburg residents will have to make the decision of who their mayor will be, and they will need all the luck they can get.